Confessions

As those close to me know - I am a "to do" list junkie.  I have to do lists for my to do lists.  I have calendars, and lists and more calendars and more lists and then add to this I have journals.  Journals from high school, college, early married life, then of course I have journals on each of the kids.  And better yet - I have kept most of these lists, these calendars, these journals.

Yep, I have notebooks full of them.  Why? You ask.  Well I was going through all my stuff last year and was ready to toss and toss AND toss.  For those that are close to me - also know - I am a tosser - I like to purge and get rid of stuff - lighten the load of clutter.  But instead of tossing these particular items, I decided to organize them and keep them.  Again, you are saying - you haven't gotten to THE WHY?  Why in the world would I keep these lists, these calendars, these journals?

Well it really is a memory problem.  I always think I will remember all the treasures and the heart aches gone by, but unfortunately my head is not big enough nor smart enough to collect all those tidbits gone by.

So I organize and keep - and then when I want to I am able to stroll down my memory lane - and with each list, or calendar or journal entry I read - my heart remembers.  And my heart is large and full and it loves to remember.  Like for example one journal entry May 4, 2009 - I had written three joys of the day 1.  Boating with the kids.  2.  Time off from work.  3.  Talking of the future with Soren.  Sometimes its hard though, real hard.  Like October 8, 2008 - I wrote - Saw Julie and Brandy today.  Julie seemed like she had the life back in her.  Looked calm and restful and hopeful for the future.  Brandy has to do difficult chemo - harder actually, for the one she was on attacked her heart.  And then looking through and wondering why the gap from May to August 2009, and realizing not one entry during those times - when we all lost Brandy.  Then my heart gets heavy.  But I am glad.  I am glad I have kept my tidbits of my history.  My story.  We all have a story.

Mine is woven in my to do lists, my calendars and my journals.

Sometimes the lists and the calendars are the biggest window into our life we have led.
some of the excerpts from April 2007 Calendar/Lists -
BFF apt., drop off books at library, pick up pictures @ Costco, take Nanna to practice, thank you cards, scrapbook, Circle Journal for Kyle, paint the hallway, call paintball places, register Kyle for SAT, Nanna softball game, take Grandma to apt., Kyle track meet, work meeting, Kyle and I to Culinary Arts, Kyle Jesuit, Nanna Wallace.

Some of the calendars and lists are color coded.  Not sure it helped - but the idea was each member of the family would have their "own" color - for a quick glance at the calendar.  Yeah, that was just a phase for us, didn't last long.  Not sure it was helpful for us.  We have tried many systems over the years - but the one that has never gone away - is pen to paper.  And a central calendar on our refrigerator   We have had this since the beginning of time.   This is our command center.  The kids will tell you if they had a nickel for every time I have said - if it is not on the calendar it does NOT exist - they would be wealthy individuals.  :-)

More random confessions I am sure to come.