Friday, February 1, 2013


One of the bloggers I follow asked the question recently - "if anyone has read or seen anything moving about the topic of female friendships and social dynamics and how difficult scary and wonderful that all can be?"

It got me thinking about my own friendships. 

In the beginning growing up you have friends that you pal around with, and then you hit high school and you talk about being "Best Friends Forever".  But mostly that forever ends a few short years later, and then for some college comes and you form bonds with your fellow roommates and classmates.  Then it seems we form friendship bonds with those that we work with.  

Some friends come and go.  But some friends do become forever friends.  I have had the pleasure of having both type of friends.  It sometimes makes me sad to think that I am not in touch with important people that meant a lot to me - but then I remember one of those people said a very smart statement to me - she told me sometimes people are only in our lives for a particular season.  So true.  I know people in my life have left lasting positive impressions on my heart.

Then if you are like me - you get married - and start raising a family.  And then suddenly there really is no time/energy/resources left for friends.  I have never viewed this as bad.  When my husband and I first got married - for whatever reason we thought it was funny to hear other people say they married their best friend.  We mocked it and found it very silly.  But the past 24 years we have realized this to be true.  I did marry my best friend and confidant.  My soul mate - the awesome father of our children.  Those words still sounds corny to me, but I have learned the valued truth in them.  When push comes to shove - Soren and I can count on each other.  We married each other to be with each other and to raise a family together and to play together.

Now don't get me wrong - I love girlfriends, and wouldn't have survived without them over the years.  And I have been fortunate enough recently to find a close circle of friends to be silly with, laugh with, have fun with and cry with.  My girlfriends over the years have been a lifeline.  There really is no words to write that can significantly convey what girlfriends mean to one another.  If you have ever experienced the wonder of girlfriends it is just an unwritten code.  You just know.

I do have a BFF.  And because of her and our children we have a close circle of friends.  I actually met my BFF through our children.  I guess we should be thanking our kids.  Thank you.  :-)

I have thought long and hard on many occasions as to why we are BFF's.  And what has made us remain so close over the past 16 years - where others have come and go?  I don't really have an answer. I know our kids played an important role - but our kids have other friends as well - and I am not BFF's with their mothers.

We relate to one another.  We can be together and talk non stop, or say nothing at all.   One of the biggest keys I think - is we know even when we aren't together the other one is just a phone call away.  Because really over the last 16 years even though we have been neighbors and friends we really haven't spent a lot of time together. Up until recently our lives have been very full with family and work - and we didn't see each other much outside of mutual kid events.  It hasn't been until the last few years where we can actually be together and hang out.  For we have had the same priorities - our families.  

We know no matter what we are there for one another, whether we talk every day, or once a week, or once every other week.  I do know, that I prefer seeing her and talking to her at least twice a week-this would be super ideal.  But this rarely happens.  But we just know, we know when we see each other next - we will have not missed a beat.  And we do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that one is there for the other.  Day or night.  Most friendships take time and energy.  But BFF friends know that sometimes there is no time nor energy left.  :-)

My BFF is truly amazing.  She is personable, like able, easy to be around and puts up with me.  The later being an important ingredient for longevity of our friendship.

I wish I had something profound to say as to why we have lasted so long.  But we work.  We just do.  We relate to one another. Our childhood upbringing was very different, but our history from about age 19 on is very similar and I know I have someone who gets "it".  I have someone besides my husband and family that puts up with me.  Cuz trust me, there is a lot of "putting up with".   

My BFF is the common thread in our awesome circle of friends.  Which has led to each of us meeting other awesome people and sometimes not so awesome people, but in the end we remain.  Different backgrounds, different stories - but we get each other.  We love each other.  And for us maybe our recent tightness stems from the loss of our dear Brandy.  

I am grateful for my friends.  I appreciate the fact in this stage of my life I now actually have more time to do things with my friends.  Yeah, at times it is still very difficult to get together, but whether it has been a week, a month, or a couple months, we always seem to be able to pick up right where we left behind.  We know our families are first, but girlfriend time is a close second.  And our families benefit from it.